Day 45

Small Town Syndrome: when a town is so small that the walls have ears, everyone knows everything about everyone else, no room for individual growth/movement due to lack of personal freedom from other "townies"

Harrisonburg Saturday night: All you can bowl at Valley Lanes.

There's good and bad to living in a small 'townie' town...

Good: You have fewer friends, but they are good friends. You appreciate what a big city has to offer and it makes it a huge treat to travel to Charlottesville and DC. You can walk/bike to the store, the bank, the library, you name it. You start to recognize people/people walking past are friendlier/waiters remember you from last week :]. Makes it fun to go to community art show, etc... and feel like you are a member of society. Most if not all business is relationally based ("Tell 'em Earl sentchya" style)

Bad: Small towns are so boring! Besides the bars and the bowling alley, you gotta be pretty creative when you go out. Everyone stalks everyone and it's impossible to do anything and not have people talking about it, esPECially go on a date. gasp.

I have successfully avoided falling into spending multiple weekends at the bowling alley and the bar. Tonight was my first bowling experience. Depending on the crowd, it's fun. But, you do get a feeling of losing yourself in a bowling alley. Losing part of you that is able to find "cool" things to do even in a small town. It's like you're admitting "yeah, I tried to think of a fun way to spend my Saturday night, but I ended up at the bowling alley anyway." But really, once you get over yourself, bowling is fun. I just don't like that it may actually be one of the only things to do in Harrisonburg. Linds and I have to make a consciously committed effort to go to the "other" side of town where all the college apartments are once every couple of months or so, just to remember that there are crazy fun things happening somewhere nearby. Even if it's only because they involve beer pong and cigs. And damned if I don't ask a guy out for no other reason than to get to know him. One date. Let them chatter about it for weeks after. I have an agenda that won't be derailed by small town syndrome. In some ways, small towns force you to find out who you really are when the drizzle hits the fan and people might actually judge you outright for your decisions and lifestyle. In a huge city, people are so lenient. Believe what you want, live how you want, everyone is accomodated for in a large city. In small time college towns, where people who went to preschool with you are in your college science lab class, you live in a glass house built by the people around you and they make most of your life decisions for you. Of course I'm talking about extremes here, I really don't personally feel victimized by this in a big way, but I do catch the scent of it regularly and see the effects of it on other people. It's a real problem. Now's a great time to mention that Harrisonburg, VA is the meth capitol of the US. Yeahup. Wonder why. CUZ PEOPLE CAN'T ESCAPE THIS PLACE! People walk around like they're trapped. Trapped in a fishbowl. Tell me that's not scary. The devil has a hold on a lot of souls here and small town syndrome is the main form of control. Going to extremes again, but sometimes I get that feeling from this city and it's a heavy feeling that takes a while to pass through. I mean, I fall into small town syndrome all the time myself. It's hard not to. But, it helps to visit friends in Arlington/Charlottesville and get a good shaking and to re-realize how much bigger life is than Harrisonburg.

Life is bigger than Harrisonburg. Bigger than DC. Bigger than Virginia. Bigger than me. Typing "bigger" so many times makes me notice how weird a word it is... and how close it is to "booger."