A Posted Incomplete Thought Is Better Than No Post At All

I thought I would share an excerpt from a favorite book of mine called Jesus Calling by Sarah Young. It's spoken like a thought from Jesus to you. Every day there is a different short paragraph that never ceases to cut me to the marrow. Today's devotion was no different, and I thought some one might want to share in that...

"Trust Me and refuse to worry, for I am your Strength and Song. You are feeling wobbly this morning, looking at difficult times looming ahead, measuring them against your own strength. However, they are not today's tasks -- or even tomorrow's. So leave them in the future and come home to the present, where you will find Me waiting for you. Since I am your Strength, I can empower you to handle each task as it comes. Because I am your Song, I can give you Joy as you work alongside Me."

One of the main themes the Lord brings to my mind has always been to only let myself think about today. "Tomorrow" and "this week" and *gasp* "next month" are deadly words in my walk, and I am constantly having to hear this message of "letting tomorrow worry about itself." There's nothing else to DO really. I can remember countless times laying on my bed, flipping through my notebook pouring over budgets and projected income lists and bills and crying over the "mass" (to me they were massive) amounts of cash I needed and having to fling all my worries and cares on the Lord because I had no earthly way of making the money needed to cover everything. Time after time the Lord proved faithful to my moving here. I've never gone without food, shelter, clothing or transportation. I've always had just enough, sometimes down to the dollar, and I thank God I know better than to chalk it up to good luck or coincidence.

There was the time a bike appeared in a friends back yard for me to ride to work down the road and not have to walk so far. Or the time a work check came in I had forgotten about just in the nick of time to complete my rent dues. My journal is full of these instances, most of them are stories I don't tell- things between God and myself- times where He's taken care of me that no one could know but me. And yet, it still happens that I find myself looking into that mysterious and shaky future of mine and just barely start to say "what if...-" and then SNAP! I shut those thoughts down and bring myself back to the day I'm standing in. It doesn't seem like much, 24 hours, but it's enough to keep each one of us busy. And I think you'll find at the end of the day you lived that day more fully than you would've if you'd been somewhere else in your head.

A New Era

It's been almost three years since I wheeled my measly belongings across the threshold of Virginia, and now almost a year and a half since I moved to Harrisonburg. To say it's been a long road would be like calling the Appalachian Trail a bunny slope. It's been a real long road. But, today, on this beautiful Saturday morning, after a cup of coffee and a stroll through the downtown farmer's market, I sat in my living room and wrote about how far I've traveled from the outlook I once held and how much I have come to love and even treasure this place and these people.

Gidgit.

I left my heart in Madison, VA with this little corgi-terrier mix.

Well, I've put it off long enough

It's that time. That time where I confess something as unsavory as it is unexpected: I have read, and dare I say it, enjoyed the Twilight Saga! OK, "enjoyed" is a strong word. Sometimes it was lame, downright boring and even occasionally disturbing; but, all in all, the word that kept coming up in my mind: Contemplative. I even found myself engrossed in the story, at times.

Now, I'm not going to go shout about it from the rooftops by any means, but somewhere in my mind I know I can never bash the books again like I used to -before I had actually read them. Because some part of me has a little respect for Stephanie Meyer for coming up with such a series at exactly the right time to sweep the nation during the height of vampire fever. Almost every tween in America with or without an imagination has invested anywhere from 40-99% of their thought life to her story since it's release, I gotta respect THAT. Even if it was a bit ridiculous, I will brave the scoffs and the jeers, the pity and the looks (all from those who HAVEN'T read the series, mind you) and say that I will think back on Twilight as a well-rounded tween-level tale. And it made me laugh out loud on several occasions. There's nothing unsavory about that.

My Idea of a Good Time

Earlier this week we made sushi!

Click on the title of this post to go to my house mates blog for a video of the fiasco (prepared to be bored by my "cooking show")-(you've been warned!)- (seriously though, it's boring) but mostly follow the link to read Lindsey's blog. It's new, and pretty awesome.

Awaiting our meal coups in the Chick-fil-a parking lot

Camping gear= $50 deposit

Gas= $40

Smiling about being outside on the hottest/wettest day of the year w/ no hope of a shower in sight= priceless!

A Once in a Lifetime Experience (I hope)

On Wednesday morning (3am) I left with my house mates Lindsey and Victoria and 4 guy friends for Richmond to attend the Chick-fil-a opening there. It's a huge deal, apparently, and we wanted to go check it out. So, we got there at 5am and at 6 am they count everyone in the parking lot and close down the entrances, giving out raffle tickets and, through that, choosing 100 lucky winners (of the 265 that were present!). These 100 people have the opportunity to win free chick-fil-a for a whole year (52 free meal coupons, so once a week for a year) IF -and it's a big IF- they stay on the property for 24 hours. So, once your number is called, you have a few minutes to gather your camping stuff from your car and set up camp in one of the parking spaces on the property. It's CRAZY! But, we're young and it's an adventure, so we were excited when 5 of the 7 of us made it into the 100! We agreed to split up the coups (as we called them) between all of us evenly. Luckily, they allow "guests" of the 100 who may have driven with them or whatnot, so all of us were given space to camp and fed throughout the 24 hours. While we were there we recognized some other JMU students and quickly joined forces with their 5, creating an unstoppable mega-team of youngsters compared to the shocking amount of over-65 individuals and family units that attend these things from all over the country. (More on that later... *cringe*). Working together in ruthless tact and speed, we secured the three most convenient, strategic spots of the lot. I may or may not have scooted and whirled a disoriented grandmother or two out of the way... juuuuust kidding :O

After all the 100 are called and placed, the true diehard chick-fil-a fans begin the games. (Games: not really games, unless you call just sitting around for 24 hours games...). I haven't shared the worst part of this experience, the part that no one could have guess or controlled, the really sick part: the weather. Yes, the weather. Ahhh weather... how it delighted in torturing us. It's like it KNEW it had 24 hours to play with our little minds. A parking lot full of crazies with nowhere to go...

When we got to Richmond it was POURING hot drops of rain. So hot that wearing a raincoat was like an unbearable punishment, but so wet that you really didn't have a choice. It stopped raining just after we were finished setting up camp, of course. Then, the heat set in... The clouds hung like a thick horizontal wall, trapping the steamy humidity from the rain under itself, and us with it. The sun went to work, baking the clouds which in turn radiated the heat into the mist that was clinging to us. We were wet. We were hot. We were hungry for breakfast.

So we slept. It was the only thing TO do.

I woke up to the drip of my sweat from my eyebrow to my nose. (Sidenote: I don't have a unibrow, I was laying sideways not standing up, OK?). The heat overwhelmed me. Inside the tent was like my own personal rain forest hell. I unzipped the netting and stuck my head outside. The "breeze" filtered down my shirt and refreshed me for a nanosecond. Then it was back to misery. I tried to encourage myself with thoughts like "well, at least I probably slept for a solid part of the day". Wrong. It was 8:30am.

I could continue about the weather forever, it definitely was the major wet blanket (haha...ha...ehh) of the trip. BUT there are so many OTHER interesting things to discuss, like how the heck do all these senior citizens sleep in tents on concrete, and how do you justify bringing a newborn baby to endure the unfriendly climate? There are a million other little eccentricities of such an event that I can't even begin to share. Like how we actually had a great time. How, even though we were miserable, we were laughing the whole time. Maybe because we were doing it together, going through it together, and getting to know each other in a way that is different than the norm. Suffering together - and it brought us close and made us be creative and silly. I know I spent most of this post talking about how awful it was, but really, that was just to make you laugh. My true feelings about the 24 hrs are ones of smiles and good memories. All in all, I will never do it again, but I will never forget the good times had by all. Even the senior citizens.

...So I'll have to say "I love you" in a song

Isn't that the truth? How many times have I stopped myself (and I cringe at the times I didn't) from almost sending a song in an email with a subject line like: "OK, this song explains how I'm feeling, listen carefully to verse three"? If only that worked. If only we didn't have to learn to communicate with our own words what we feel and think.

Moral: Even if your words don't rhyme or flow like a melody, they are more priceless than any R&B hit and whoever you're dialoging with will hopefully resound with what you're trying to say and treat your thoughts the way they deserve to be treated. Respect, yo.

Genuine Heatwave

Bangerang!

It's summertime hardcore in the Valley. Ninety-eight degrees consistently with little-to-no breeze and a spoonful o' humidity. I made the decision of a lifetime last week and craigslisted for an A/C window unit. I got two for $15 from a guy down the street and let me tell you... my room has become the hub for all activity in the house. It stays a cool 70-75 degrees (depending on if someone leaves the door open for a few minutes on the way out, always a sad affair). Getting around the house, though, has become a chore. We finally couldn't take the drab hot-hot-heat anymore and had a water balloon fight outside. It was more like a water balloon failure because Jodi and I just stood ten paces away from each other and took turns splashing one another with cool H2O. Victoria took a video of us and our horrible aim, missing each other from waaaay too close up and laughing hysterically. Later as we watched the vid, we were all aghast at our "video voices." You know what I'm talking about. I don't think I've met a person who just loves the way their voice sounds on camera. It's always nasally and everything you say just sounds stupid. Anyway, we decided to find out once and for all if we really sound the way we hear ourselves on camera, or in our heads. Jodi took turns filming each of us as we pretended to be having a conversation- trying to use our real voices. We hope we're wrong, but we think the voice we hear of ourselves in our heads is not our real voice. That our real voice is in fact a few octaves higher and annoyinger. So, I'd like to take this sentence to apologize to everyone who has to endure my especially annoying voice in real life. I am truly sorry. I only wish you could hear the smooth, collected tone I tune into when I'm talking. I think I'll have to live in ignorance on this subject. If I think about to too much and take it too much to heart, I'll never speak again! So, that's the last you'll hear me talk about it. It's in the past, never to be dug up except on the rare occasion that I hear/see myself in a recording. ... which is fairly often now that my good friend purchased a video camera. Bother. Check our her blog, I think she may have put up the balloon fight vid... but check out her blog anyway, it's about to get crazy when she moves to Boston next month!!! Just click on the title of this post.

On the 1st day of summer my true love gave to meeeee

Summertime always starts with a bang and this year is no different. From New Orleans to Gulf Shores to the Tappahannock and back to Harrisonburg, I feel like I've been a part of history on many levels...

First being home and partaking in my two younger twin brothers' graduation was a great moment in family history, as they are the last to leave home and strike out on their own respective paths.

Secondly to vacation at Gulf Shores for quite possibly the last time during my or anyone else alive's lifetime. Oil washed up our last day there. I took a picture on my cell phone, but the real imprint was on my heart as I stood on our last day beside the Gulf of Mexico like I've done so often my whole life; saying goodbye to the ocean. This goodbye was different.

I've been taking a lot of these "mental snapshots" lately because these last few months have been very special and singular in my life and every so often I've come to a spot I know I'll never see from that certain vantage point again. Living with these roommates, hanging around the house with my brothers, spending time with friends that may disappear as I once did so long ago, or not so long ago; all these little situations that I sense are one-of-a-kind or last-of-their-kind. I cross my fingers and *snap* a picture, hoping one day those visions will come forth when called like some old computer file that was accidentally misfiled and then rediscovered years down the road. My memory has never been good. In fact, I am jokingly known as Dory in more than one circle... but, maybe, just maybe, these images will stick with me. I have to hope for the best, for the sake of moving forward otherwise I might never venture outside my door from fear of doing something worth remembering.

The third history-making experience was visiting the Tappahannock my first weekend back in Harrisonburg with two housemates and our good friend Matt who is from there. It made history because it was the first time ever recorded that time actually halted for an entire weekend. And even if it didn't altogether stop, it definitely slowed down to the point where no one cared to keep track of it anymore. Tappahannock, or as many now refer to it, "God's Country" (another history point?) is located in south eastern Virginia. On a typical day you will see an amazing sunrise followed by blistering heat and the occasional rainstorm. I missed the sunrise (*ahem* alarm malfunctions...), just danced around being burnt to a crisp, and successfully out-boated the rainstorms throughout Saturday and Sunday. So, all that was left was an incredibly enjoyable sleep, pleasant sun/surf frolicking, and sickeningly fast and wild boat rides! Again I say, God's Country was amazing. We stepped into another world where people are just downright nice all the time, and all you have to worry about is the plunge off the rope swing possibly taking your drawers off. 'Nuff said.

Being back in the 'Burg has lately become a series of check-marks off of a to-do list which is why I've gotten back into blogging so as not to become too consumed with the day-to-day blah blah blahhs. Perhaps this will also help me better remember my mental pictures in the years to come.

Family Cont'd

Seesterz.

Last weekend Maryann and Elizabeth came to see my "home away from home away from home" (First home would be Covington, Louisiana; second home would be Arlington, Virginia; third home is definitely Harrisonburg).

After today, I just have to make it through Tuesday and on Wednesday a day of much driving and flying and thennnnnn... HOME! *does a jig*

I've decided I HAVE to add an aside and tell a quick little anecdote. A day in the life of Amelie, if you will... (This came about because I was reading posts from the begining of the year laughing my head off and wondering how my blog went from funny to recently being somewhat boring and I realized I started posting so much about going RAW and blah blah blah and you can only say so much about that before you're suddenly talking to a roomful of snoozing people). So, having said that, here is my "Lesson Learned" numero uno installment in what I hope to be a very benefitial series where people can read my horror stories and laugh but at the same time never have to go through what I have for the sake of science, nay for the sake of mankind. You're welcome.

This morning I juiced 4 carrots and 2 bunches of parsley. My eyes have been irritated and this is the only thing that I can do to help them. I was late to babysitting, so I poured the cocotion into a glass and ran out the door. On the road, I took a sip. I've had carrot-parsley juice once before so I knew what to expect. But... this was not what I expected. I mean, yea I'd only had it once before, but wasn't it a little tastier... not so... garnishy...? And then all the pieces came together in my head, that day at the grocery store, looking at all the different parsleys (who knew parsley had so much versatility?), seeing the huge price difference from one parsley to the next, choosing the cheaper parsley, taking it home, juicing it, you get the idea. Basically, sitting at a red light on a rainy morning in which I had woken up to my babysittee's mother's call ("weren't you coming this morning at 8am?"), I realized I had bought not parsley parsley, but garnish parsley. Parsley you find on plates a restaurants that you dare some one to eat. Parsley that is bushy and chokey. Parsley that is the son of a motherless dog. Garnish. And let me tell you... Garnish parsley and parsley parsley are so very different, I see that now. And I can't believe I didn't catch that at the grocery store. From this day forward I vow never to just buy the cheaper thing for cheapness sake. I will find 1 other good reason to get it cheaper or else I'll get the more expensive one. And that way I will ensure never to be so rudely awakened at 8:45 am not by a peeved mother looking for her babysitter but by a glass of carrot-bush juice strangling me with it's chalky chokiness.

Lesson learned.

I think I'm going to use the word "auspicious" in this post

On this most auspicious night as I recline on my floral couch, preparing for bed, listning to music, texting my last words to friends, I suddenly come into an air. A state, if you will. It's a sweet sweet spirit of all things family. And as it settles on me I feel totally at peace and at rest. And I know I am blessed. I am so blessed I can hardly sit, I'm floating. That's the kind of air I'm talking about.
Family. Why do people brag about their families as if they were able to pick and choose through a catalog for their great aunt Vidalia who sat next to Pocahontas at a book club? We have no more to do with where we are born into than a drop of rain chooses which puddle to splash into. No, we can't decide who our families are, but someOne did for us. It was all so masterfully thought out from before the age of time where each little being should be born and raised and into what family they should find themselves.
That is why I feel so blessed. To be so intentionally placed, to be chosen for a specific time and place in this world is to have a purpose all in itself that we cannot know but must trust. And family is the epicenter of it all. Where it all begins, happens and ends. Our lives and the changing times swirl around us like a wisp of a dream but our families are the real anchor that ties us to a specific harbor in a specific land. And try as we might to cut the cord, we only hurt ourselves. For when that cord is cut or even loosened, we start to sink ourselves, and we find that what we thought was keeping us bound from a life of adventure on the high seas was actually keeping us from getting swept away with the yellow sea foam, blown and tossed by the wind, or worse: drowned by the rushing and ever-changing currents of the deep deep ocean.
What most people never learn about their "family anchors" is that, like real boat anchors, they serve more purpose than just keeping you in one spot. Anchors are only reeled out every once in a while, when the wind gets rough and the waves get big. Mostly, they are just a part of the identity of the ship, not like they are a vital part of the everyday life of the ship, but, if a storm hits, you better believe they quickly become an integral part of the wellbeing of the ship. And if you knew what you were about, you wouldn't just willingly hop into a boat without a reliable anchor, especially in these crazy times of earthquakes and volcanos... no no, a good anchor is much prefered.
Can you tell I'm going home in a few days? :]

Stickybuns at the Farmer's Market & Other Ironies

I bought my first RAW cookbook as I sucked down a sugary Starbucks drink at B&N. "Here's to my health!" I thought with a grin. Honestly, I have poured myself into learning as much as I can about living raw. It's the most fascinating thing I've come across -ever! Fascinating in the sense that it feels so right. Why wouldn't it be the best thing for our bodies to be fueled by living nutrients. If we are living organisms, doesn't it make sense that we should eat live food? And why is it OK to fill our bodies with dead things like sugar and white flour, baked this and charred that. If we want to be ALIVE then we must partake in foods that are ALIVE. It's so simple. But it is by far the biggest challenge we face in America. Forget starvation, clean water, shelter, money. America is being wasted away by the food industry.

The "food" industry. Now, why doesn't that sounds strange? Because it is normal for an industry to make food. But, we often overlook that it is only for profit. And how is food that was made for profit going to be the best there is for you? Why do plants grow produce? One purpose and one purpose only: fuel. There's no money involved in a plant's agenda. When money is involved everything it touches is instantly tainted. Maybe not completely marred, but DEFINITELY tainted. In "foods" case, it's despicable. The products we buy at the grocery store were made for one thing: to turn a profit. At the end of the day, that's what corporations have as their absolute bottom line: how can we make more money. Granted, there are a few out there who are less greedy than others, I have met billionaires with hearts of gold. But, the "corporation" doesn't have a heart, even though it's legally a "person." A corporation is legally obligated to put profit before any other factor. This applies especially with short-term profit that often has a long-term consequence. (If you can't tell I just watched "The Corporation" documentary and I highly recommend it. Go get it at your local library or rent it, it's worth the trip! Anyways, enough on that tangent. Basically, I'm enraptured by raw foods and how simple yet impossible it all is to just do what we were made to do.

And that applies to all areas of life that fascinate me: Why is it so dang hard to just do what we were made to do?! Be male or be female, be loved and love, create life and care for it, to pass peacefully into eternity. Why is there so much entangling each of these things, making it sometimes impossible to distinguish between just living and truly living. And what is living and what is blah blah blah...

Keep It Simple Stupid. Just do what we were created to do. The simpler the better. Alas, therein lies the uber-rub: the infinite complexity of simplicity.

Sigh... Even though we've come full circle, I don't feel disheartened. I am lead by the Spirit and it's natural. I am drawn to what is natural. And simplicity is natural for me. But, that's not the case for everyone. I spend my spare moments helping/coercing my fellow housemates to Goodwill half their wardrobe and toss the other half. Not to mention the Mount Everests of "stuff" that for some is painfully difficult to part with. To them I simply say: "Poo Poo" like Madeline would. The end.

No but seriously, go through your room and get rid of half of what's in it. You won't regret it. I do it 8 times a year and I have only regretted getting rid of something twice in my life. PRACTICE parting with "stuff." It can only be good for you in the long run. You can't argue that, my friend. You just can't argue with nature. And nature keeps it simple... stupid :]

Cont.: Notes from Raw Foods Seminar

Important names:
Jenna Norwood- 30 days raw documentary maker. cool chick. owned raw food restaurant in dc? now travels around giving talks about raw food
David Wolfe- raw food guru, runs a clinic in san diego that jenna norwood attended called 'optimum health institute'

Cool websites:
jennanorwood.com- updates on her new documentary that is in pre-production, video demonstrations of raw recipes, articles, etc...
davidwolfe.com-check out the guru
juicefeasting.com- resource for raw and a 92-day juice fast
crazysexycancer.com- story of chris carr, girl who kicked cancer by eating raw
goneraw.com- resource for raw recipes.
rawmodel.com- a model who is raw.. and so hotttt.
veganbodybuilder.com- for those interested in if people who eat raw can still do rando stuff like bodybuilding...
runningraw.com- ultra-marathoner Tim VanOrden (who also made the documentary "Protein Myth") and is raw
meetup.com- a way to get connected with local co-ops in your area

Documentaries to watch:
Supercharge Me! 30 Days Raw
The Corporation
Protein Myth - on youtube

Comments to remember:
"Pay now or pay later" refering to question about cost of raw food in relation to cost of long-term health problems
"You cannot solve your problems with the same mind that created them" -Einstein
"Eating out with friends becomes less about the food and more about the company" refering to question of socializing with a raw lifestyle
One guy got up and gave a little testimony about his life with raw foods. He said the best way to start that lifestyle is by first and foremost getting rid of all cravings (he did that via the 'questionable' detox method called the "master cleanser fast") and then the next thing to do is investigate "superfoods" that quench cravings in a raw way... hm.

Raising a glass to the end of the school year, not that it has an effect on me personally

... but I feel a general happiness for all my friends struggling to trudge to class just a few more times. A light is in fact at the end of the tunnel for several of them, and our house is drowning under folds of purple and gold caps, gowns and tassles everywhere.

Tonight my question is what should the focus of this post be? I have a million little fragments of rabbit trails I would love to chase down on a keyboard, but to me posts are only fun to read if they are on specific topic. So, I really should pick just one.

A couple days ago I attended a documentary showing of "Supercharge Me! 30 Days Raw" by Jenna Norwood, who was at the showing to discuss and answer questions. I went by myself, found a seat next to another lone viewer and tried to strike up friendly conversation. She wasn't having it, so I ended up pretty bored just sittin' around for 20 minutes waiting for the thing to start. Jenna was obvious to pick out of the people wandering around the theater. She had a glow that I've noticed coming from several other raw and/or organic people in the area. One woman who works at Kate's Natural Foods in town- I swear looks younger and healthier every time I go in there. Something about natural foods has caught my fancy in that way, in the way that I see people who treat their bodies to live food are treated well by their bodies. If that makes sense. Anyway, she had "the glow" and we introduced ourselves to each other and she commented on what a beautiful name Amelie is and how it's one of her favorite movies. If I had a quarter for every time some one said that to me I would have an endless supply of chicklet gum... yup. That's what I'd do with all those quarters. No doubt in my mind.

The program started and I had to admit my expectations after the begining credits shrank to 25% of what they had been. It was starting to feel like a home video. "Oh rats" I thought to myself. "How long is this thing going to drag." But, it DID pick up. It DID redeem itself. It was fascinating. Basically, Jenna Norwood (from Washington, DC, woot woot) wanted to lose some weight and heard about a detox clinic in San Diego that was based on the "raw food diet" of, well, completely raw vegitation. Nothing cooked at all, raw raw raw. So, she set out to document her journey through this "cutting edge" (was filmed in 2005) diet (which if you think about it is actually thousands of years old) and how she became a full fledged believer in the raw lifestyle. It quickly shifted from a shallow desire to look good in a leotard to a spiritually awakening, mentally invigorating, physically empowering experience that she tours around the country advocating for to this day. It's powerful stuff, this raw food. I have to admit I'm totally into it. I mean, I've piddled around with the Maker's Diet and this and that detox and bleh bloh blah, but THIS! This is like.... a whole other level. Am I ready for this? I want to be, but I dunno... I looked up the Optimum Health Clinic in San Diego that Jenna attended for three weeks of her 4 week challenge and found the cost to be minimally tallied at 3,000 bones. I would give my left eyebrow to ship off to San Diego for three weeks, but I don't have 3,000 bones, not in my body and certainly not in my pocket. Oh well, maybe one day.

Jenna did say you don't need to go to a clinic to get started. But, is there really any other way? A gradual "ease" into the "RAW" lifestyle just doesn't even fit into the same sentance together. Like trying to ease yourself out of a bandaid. Better to just rip it off, right? Saaaame thing.

Needless to say I walked away from the seminar with so many thoughts and ideas running through my head and they are still running through my head tonight: should I go raw what will people think what would my family say but it's not what anyone thinks! but it's too expensive but would I rather 'pay now or pay later' (famous "raw" saying, refering to the fact that you can either pay more for raw food now, or pay later in doctor bills and prescription pills and yes I thought about that for a second so that I could rhyme that). Also I just wonder about what life is like without things like pastries and coffee and bread and jelly and meat! Is a life without those things worth living? That is the question that always swings me back to where I am. I refuse. I REFUSE to be one of those miserable people who is unhappy because they don't enjoy food anymore. But, according to Jenna, your taste buds adapt after a detox and you start craving the things you're eating.

There is much more research to do. I've already checked out all the websites Jenna gave me and done some minor calculations. Subconsciously, I haven't gone to the grocery store all week, because I think maybe I can just stop buying things like noodles and pasta sauce. The truth is, I already bake my own bread, buy grass-fed chicken eggs, non-pasturized milk, butter, spinich, kettle corn (:]) and herbs all from local farms. Problem is none of those things are considered "raw". Not really. Because they come from animals. On the internet there are various arguments both ways about needing dairy in your diet. One guy (rawmodel.com) suggests that you can't really be sustained your whole life without dairy. Another, David Wolfe, of countless bestseller books and top-rated websites, an allround "raw guru" insists it's unnecessary and his life and times reflects that as well. Who's right? Bah, if only I had a million dollars to invest in finding out for myself.

I do know that since my pantry has run itself almost completely out and I've only bought fruit since the seminar, I was doin' the raw thang for most of the day, then scavenged a piece of bread... and I felt it. I felt that my stomach was telling me something. Telling me the bread was no good. And it was homemade banana bread with wheat flour. It was almost healthy. By the worlds standards it would receive the gold star of eat-without-conscience. But, after going only one day basically "raw" already my stomach had found itself enough voice to muster a weak protest as I gulped the morsel down. That is the strange thing about our guts. And I have researched this. And experimented. And I can tell you the gut is almost as communicative as the brain and heart, in fact.. ( I LOVE telling people this) doctors (ask any of them) will tell you that in the scientific world the gut is refered to as the "second brain." Why? Because, when you were an embryo, and a mass of ganglion was forming inside your little bod, it separated into two parts, my friend. One half of this mass travels upwards to your head and weeks later has evolved into your brain. What happened to the other half is just crazy. Just insane. The other bunch of ganglionic nerve endings travels down to your gut. There it grows embeded in the walls of your stomach and the surrounding area. Thus, your gut has a major capacity to communicate feelings, thoughts, etc... The only problem is, esp. here in good ole America is that we eat so poorly, our baseline for how we feel in our guts is much worse that it would naturally be if we ate better. Jenna also spoke of this. She said once she had cleared all the bad toxins and grossness out of her body, she had a clear pathway for communication with her gut. If she ate a piece of cheese, her stomach had a nice clean phone line to dial in and tell her how cheese made it feel. Normally, at least for me, the cheese is just piled on top of a long list of unhealthy or allergic things that I have never given it the chance to sort through, added to the numbing baseline. I wonder what kind of things my tum would say if I gave it half a listen. I hope I'm making sense because I have been typing for entirely too long and I still have way too much to say.

Another time. To be continued.

Failure to detox

You heard it hear first, I failed miserably with my detox. Well, I suppose it wasn't a total failure, but I learned just how valuable food is in my life. How utterly irreplaceable. How delightful and joyous. How... essential.
I concocted a potion of cranwatergingercinnamonnutmegorangeandlemon last night and this morning woke up at 6 and started my hourly swap of a cup of water, cup of potion, etc... to have gone on until 10pm only I didn't make it to 10pm. So close, but no, I made it until 8pm and then flipped out and went crazy on my belly. I was suddenly dizzy, a pounding headache, tierd, moody, I couldn't take it, I guess I wasn't ready for the full effect. So, when I got home I downed applesauce, noodles and cinnamon bread and am now slurping the last drop of warmed milk out of my mug. To hell with the detox!
No, but really I think it's an important part of the human diet to fast once a week and I do want to get better at it. So, next Thursday I try again. This time I may make it to 9pm.

Sidenote: I have officially been blessed leaps and bounds by sticking to (for the most part, and better than anything I have ever tried to stick to) my goals I wrote up over a month ago. I can't wait to share how meaningful the last 47 days have been in getting me where I am now. As this exact moment however, I think I might barf, so I'm off to bed. Brb.

Feelin' Groovy

Has this been a title of a previous post? I feel like I have too much finger-muscle-memory for typing "feelin' groovy"... not sure how I feel about that.

Moving along... I'm doing a real interesting deto- OK, I have to stop there to make a note. Something I notice and actually really love about human interaction is how we pick up on other peoples isms. Since I've lived in my new house with eight girls, I have picked up numerous phrases from them and from our outside friends. Mostly they are fake words we use to describle people/situations. Everyone does it. One such word/phrase our house has been infiltrated by is using "real" instead of "really." Like, "it was real awkward" or "that's gotta hurt real bad." Try it, it's fun- and once you do you can never go back to saying really when describing an adjective. It becomes superfluous. Silly even. Alright then, back to what I was saying. I am doing a real interesting detox tomorrow. It's like a cranberry spice drink. I'm gonna let ya know how it goes. Should be real cool. Hope I don't die.

Word of the day: Methamphetamine

Well it's time to kick it into high gear. IT'S APRIL 1ST!!! That means, no excuses, no fallbacks. It's just me and my birthday goals... doin' it big. Reading, working out, eating right, praying and things are happening. "S'good" as Jim Carrey says all the time in his twitter. There might be a fast/detox coming up in my future... We'll see.

I have definitely been reading a lot more, and am loving that. I am amazed at the world and how interesting every little thing is! Life is full of things I know nothing about and that is a relief. "The world is such a wonderful place. Ladeeda ladadeeda" (Band of Horses).

I just finished 'Beautiful Boy: A fathers journey through his son's addiction' by David Sheff. Ahhmazing. After reading that I went to the library and looked up everything they had on methamphetamine. All I can say is: how can I help? People on meth are unlike any other addicted group. It's fascinating and harrowing and I felt like there should be something I can do, even if it's just learning more about it. David Sheff is an unbelievable communicator and incorporated so much information into the story that I feel like I earned a PhD on drugs/drug addicts by the time I turned the last page, which only took me a few days to get to. More on meth to come... :)