Stickybuns at the Farmer's Market & Other Ironies

I bought my first RAW cookbook as I sucked down a sugary Starbucks drink at B&N. "Here's to my health!" I thought with a grin. Honestly, I have poured myself into learning as much as I can about living raw. It's the most fascinating thing I've come across -ever! Fascinating in the sense that it feels so right. Why wouldn't it be the best thing for our bodies to be fueled by living nutrients. If we are living organisms, doesn't it make sense that we should eat live food? And why is it OK to fill our bodies with dead things like sugar and white flour, baked this and charred that. If we want to be ALIVE then we must partake in foods that are ALIVE. It's so simple. But it is by far the biggest challenge we face in America. Forget starvation, clean water, shelter, money. America is being wasted away by the food industry.

The "food" industry. Now, why doesn't that sounds strange? Because it is normal for an industry to make food. But, we often overlook that it is only for profit. And how is food that was made for profit going to be the best there is for you? Why do plants grow produce? One purpose and one purpose only: fuel. There's no money involved in a plant's agenda. When money is involved everything it touches is instantly tainted. Maybe not completely marred, but DEFINITELY tainted. In "foods" case, it's despicable. The products we buy at the grocery store were made for one thing: to turn a profit. At the end of the day, that's what corporations have as their absolute bottom line: how can we make more money. Granted, there are a few out there who are less greedy than others, I have met billionaires with hearts of gold. But, the "corporation" doesn't have a heart, even though it's legally a "person." A corporation is legally obligated to put profit before any other factor. This applies especially with short-term profit that often has a long-term consequence. (If you can't tell I just watched "The Corporation" documentary and I highly recommend it. Go get it at your local library or rent it, it's worth the trip! Anyways, enough on that tangent. Basically, I'm enraptured by raw foods and how simple yet impossible it all is to just do what we were made to do.

And that applies to all areas of life that fascinate me: Why is it so dang hard to just do what we were made to do?! Be male or be female, be loved and love, create life and care for it, to pass peacefully into eternity. Why is there so much entangling each of these things, making it sometimes impossible to distinguish between just living and truly living. And what is living and what is blah blah blah...

Keep It Simple Stupid. Just do what we were created to do. The simpler the better. Alas, therein lies the uber-rub: the infinite complexity of simplicity.

Sigh... Even though we've come full circle, I don't feel disheartened. I am lead by the Spirit and it's natural. I am drawn to what is natural. And simplicity is natural for me. But, that's not the case for everyone. I spend my spare moments helping/coercing my fellow housemates to Goodwill half their wardrobe and toss the other half. Not to mention the Mount Everests of "stuff" that for some is painfully difficult to part with. To them I simply say: "Poo Poo" like Madeline would. The end.

No but seriously, go through your room and get rid of half of what's in it. You won't regret it. I do it 8 times a year and I have only regretted getting rid of something twice in my life. PRACTICE parting with "stuff." It can only be good for you in the long run. You can't argue that, my friend. You just can't argue with nature. And nature keeps it simple... stupid :]

Cont.: Notes from Raw Foods Seminar

Important names:
Jenna Norwood- 30 days raw documentary maker. cool chick. owned raw food restaurant in dc? now travels around giving talks about raw food
David Wolfe- raw food guru, runs a clinic in san diego that jenna norwood attended called 'optimum health institute'

Cool websites:
jennanorwood.com- updates on her new documentary that is in pre-production, video demonstrations of raw recipes, articles, etc...
davidwolfe.com-check out the guru
juicefeasting.com- resource for raw and a 92-day juice fast
crazysexycancer.com- story of chris carr, girl who kicked cancer by eating raw
goneraw.com- resource for raw recipes.
rawmodel.com- a model who is raw.. and so hotttt.
veganbodybuilder.com- for those interested in if people who eat raw can still do rando stuff like bodybuilding...
runningraw.com- ultra-marathoner Tim VanOrden (who also made the documentary "Protein Myth") and is raw
meetup.com- a way to get connected with local co-ops in your area

Documentaries to watch:
Supercharge Me! 30 Days Raw
The Corporation
Protein Myth - on youtube

Comments to remember:
"Pay now or pay later" refering to question about cost of raw food in relation to cost of long-term health problems
"You cannot solve your problems with the same mind that created them" -Einstein
"Eating out with friends becomes less about the food and more about the company" refering to question of socializing with a raw lifestyle
One guy got up and gave a little testimony about his life with raw foods. He said the best way to start that lifestyle is by first and foremost getting rid of all cravings (he did that via the 'questionable' detox method called the "master cleanser fast") and then the next thing to do is investigate "superfoods" that quench cravings in a raw way... hm.

Raising a glass to the end of the school year, not that it has an effect on me personally

... but I feel a general happiness for all my friends struggling to trudge to class just a few more times. A light is in fact at the end of the tunnel for several of them, and our house is drowning under folds of purple and gold caps, gowns and tassles everywhere.

Tonight my question is what should the focus of this post be? I have a million little fragments of rabbit trails I would love to chase down on a keyboard, but to me posts are only fun to read if they are on specific topic. So, I really should pick just one.

A couple days ago I attended a documentary showing of "Supercharge Me! 30 Days Raw" by Jenna Norwood, who was at the showing to discuss and answer questions. I went by myself, found a seat next to another lone viewer and tried to strike up friendly conversation. She wasn't having it, so I ended up pretty bored just sittin' around for 20 minutes waiting for the thing to start. Jenna was obvious to pick out of the people wandering around the theater. She had a glow that I've noticed coming from several other raw and/or organic people in the area. One woman who works at Kate's Natural Foods in town- I swear looks younger and healthier every time I go in there. Something about natural foods has caught my fancy in that way, in the way that I see people who treat their bodies to live food are treated well by their bodies. If that makes sense. Anyway, she had "the glow" and we introduced ourselves to each other and she commented on what a beautiful name Amelie is and how it's one of her favorite movies. If I had a quarter for every time some one said that to me I would have an endless supply of chicklet gum... yup. That's what I'd do with all those quarters. No doubt in my mind.

The program started and I had to admit my expectations after the begining credits shrank to 25% of what they had been. It was starting to feel like a home video. "Oh rats" I thought to myself. "How long is this thing going to drag." But, it DID pick up. It DID redeem itself. It was fascinating. Basically, Jenna Norwood (from Washington, DC, woot woot) wanted to lose some weight and heard about a detox clinic in San Diego that was based on the "raw food diet" of, well, completely raw vegitation. Nothing cooked at all, raw raw raw. So, she set out to document her journey through this "cutting edge" (was filmed in 2005) diet (which if you think about it is actually thousands of years old) and how she became a full fledged believer in the raw lifestyle. It quickly shifted from a shallow desire to look good in a leotard to a spiritually awakening, mentally invigorating, physically empowering experience that she tours around the country advocating for to this day. It's powerful stuff, this raw food. I have to admit I'm totally into it. I mean, I've piddled around with the Maker's Diet and this and that detox and bleh bloh blah, but THIS! This is like.... a whole other level. Am I ready for this? I want to be, but I dunno... I looked up the Optimum Health Clinic in San Diego that Jenna attended for three weeks of her 4 week challenge and found the cost to be minimally tallied at 3,000 bones. I would give my left eyebrow to ship off to San Diego for three weeks, but I don't have 3,000 bones, not in my body and certainly not in my pocket. Oh well, maybe one day.

Jenna did say you don't need to go to a clinic to get started. But, is there really any other way? A gradual "ease" into the "RAW" lifestyle just doesn't even fit into the same sentance together. Like trying to ease yourself out of a bandaid. Better to just rip it off, right? Saaaame thing.

Needless to say I walked away from the seminar with so many thoughts and ideas running through my head and they are still running through my head tonight: should I go raw what will people think what would my family say but it's not what anyone thinks! but it's too expensive but would I rather 'pay now or pay later' (famous "raw" saying, refering to the fact that you can either pay more for raw food now, or pay later in doctor bills and prescription pills and yes I thought about that for a second so that I could rhyme that). Also I just wonder about what life is like without things like pastries and coffee and bread and jelly and meat! Is a life without those things worth living? That is the question that always swings me back to where I am. I refuse. I REFUSE to be one of those miserable people who is unhappy because they don't enjoy food anymore. But, according to Jenna, your taste buds adapt after a detox and you start craving the things you're eating.

There is much more research to do. I've already checked out all the websites Jenna gave me and done some minor calculations. Subconsciously, I haven't gone to the grocery store all week, because I think maybe I can just stop buying things like noodles and pasta sauce. The truth is, I already bake my own bread, buy grass-fed chicken eggs, non-pasturized milk, butter, spinich, kettle corn (:]) and herbs all from local farms. Problem is none of those things are considered "raw". Not really. Because they come from animals. On the internet there are various arguments both ways about needing dairy in your diet. One guy (rawmodel.com) suggests that you can't really be sustained your whole life without dairy. Another, David Wolfe, of countless bestseller books and top-rated websites, an allround "raw guru" insists it's unnecessary and his life and times reflects that as well. Who's right? Bah, if only I had a million dollars to invest in finding out for myself.

I do know that since my pantry has run itself almost completely out and I've only bought fruit since the seminar, I was doin' the raw thang for most of the day, then scavenged a piece of bread... and I felt it. I felt that my stomach was telling me something. Telling me the bread was no good. And it was homemade banana bread with wheat flour. It was almost healthy. By the worlds standards it would receive the gold star of eat-without-conscience. But, after going only one day basically "raw" already my stomach had found itself enough voice to muster a weak protest as I gulped the morsel down. That is the strange thing about our guts. And I have researched this. And experimented. And I can tell you the gut is almost as communicative as the brain and heart, in fact.. ( I LOVE telling people this) doctors (ask any of them) will tell you that in the scientific world the gut is refered to as the "second brain." Why? Because, when you were an embryo, and a mass of ganglion was forming inside your little bod, it separated into two parts, my friend. One half of this mass travels upwards to your head and weeks later has evolved into your brain. What happened to the other half is just crazy. Just insane. The other bunch of ganglionic nerve endings travels down to your gut. There it grows embeded in the walls of your stomach and the surrounding area. Thus, your gut has a major capacity to communicate feelings, thoughts, etc... The only problem is, esp. here in good ole America is that we eat so poorly, our baseline for how we feel in our guts is much worse that it would naturally be if we ate better. Jenna also spoke of this. She said once she had cleared all the bad toxins and grossness out of her body, she had a clear pathway for communication with her gut. If she ate a piece of cheese, her stomach had a nice clean phone line to dial in and tell her how cheese made it feel. Normally, at least for me, the cheese is just piled on top of a long list of unhealthy or allergic things that I have never given it the chance to sort through, added to the numbing baseline. I wonder what kind of things my tum would say if I gave it half a listen. I hope I'm making sense because I have been typing for entirely too long and I still have way too much to say.

Another time. To be continued.

Failure to detox

You heard it hear first, I failed miserably with my detox. Well, I suppose it wasn't a total failure, but I learned just how valuable food is in my life. How utterly irreplaceable. How delightful and joyous. How... essential.
I concocted a potion of cranwatergingercinnamonnutmegorangeandlemon last night and this morning woke up at 6 and started my hourly swap of a cup of water, cup of potion, etc... to have gone on until 10pm only I didn't make it to 10pm. So close, but no, I made it until 8pm and then flipped out and went crazy on my belly. I was suddenly dizzy, a pounding headache, tierd, moody, I couldn't take it, I guess I wasn't ready for the full effect. So, when I got home I downed applesauce, noodles and cinnamon bread and am now slurping the last drop of warmed milk out of my mug. To hell with the detox!
No, but really I think it's an important part of the human diet to fast once a week and I do want to get better at it. So, next Thursday I try again. This time I may make it to 9pm.

Sidenote: I have officially been blessed leaps and bounds by sticking to (for the most part, and better than anything I have ever tried to stick to) my goals I wrote up over a month ago. I can't wait to share how meaningful the last 47 days have been in getting me where I am now. As this exact moment however, I think I might barf, so I'm off to bed. Brb.

Feelin' Groovy

Has this been a title of a previous post? I feel like I have too much finger-muscle-memory for typing "feelin' groovy"... not sure how I feel about that.

Moving along... I'm doing a real interesting deto- OK, I have to stop there to make a note. Something I notice and actually really love about human interaction is how we pick up on other peoples isms. Since I've lived in my new house with eight girls, I have picked up numerous phrases from them and from our outside friends. Mostly they are fake words we use to describle people/situations. Everyone does it. One such word/phrase our house has been infiltrated by is using "real" instead of "really." Like, "it was real awkward" or "that's gotta hurt real bad." Try it, it's fun- and once you do you can never go back to saying really when describing an adjective. It becomes superfluous. Silly even. Alright then, back to what I was saying. I am doing a real interesting detox tomorrow. It's like a cranberry spice drink. I'm gonna let ya know how it goes. Should be real cool. Hope I don't die.

Word of the day: Methamphetamine

Well it's time to kick it into high gear. IT'S APRIL 1ST!!! That means, no excuses, no fallbacks. It's just me and my birthday goals... doin' it big. Reading, working out, eating right, praying and things are happening. "S'good" as Jim Carrey says all the time in his twitter. There might be a fast/detox coming up in my future... We'll see.

I have definitely been reading a lot more, and am loving that. I am amazed at the world and how interesting every little thing is! Life is full of things I know nothing about and that is a relief. "The world is such a wonderful place. Ladeeda ladadeeda" (Band of Horses).

I just finished 'Beautiful Boy: A fathers journey through his son's addiction' by David Sheff. Ahhmazing. After reading that I went to the library and looked up everything they had on methamphetamine. All I can say is: how can I help? People on meth are unlike any other addicted group. It's fascinating and harrowing and I felt like there should be something I can do, even if it's just learning more about it. David Sheff is an unbelievable communicator and incorporated so much information into the story that I feel like I earned a PhD on drugs/drug addicts by the time I turned the last page, which only took me a few days to get to. More on meth to come... :)

Once, I...

Once, I accidentally exploded a glass casserole dish on my stove.

I baked a mondo cake in this thick glass casserole dish and while I was taking it out of the oven, my housemate was finishing up her omelet on the stove. So, she moved her pan off the burner and I immediately plunked the dish down right in the newly free space, neither of us noticed the burner was left on. Two minutes later, I'm reading on the couch in the living room waiting for the cake to cool so I can icing it, and i hear the densest "crack!" I've ever heard! It was a solid "crack!" like a whip, but thicker... it was sweet. I knew right away it was the glass dish. I peeked into the kitchen and sure enough there were millions of pieces of thick brown glass EVERYWHERE. It was a nightmare to clean up, but looking back, it was the sweetest experience I've had with shattered cookware. Why, it even tops the time my mom inadvertently dropped a glass 6 cup Pyrex on my head and it broke in three pieces. It's never been proven conclusively if it had any affect on my brain/skull. Jury's still out... :/

Daaaay: Wow.

The math is going to ruin me. It's... 24 days till my birthday so that would mean today is day 26. IIIII hope that's correct.

As all things do, this blog has evolved and I would be doing the world a diservice if I didn't follow the natural flow of life. I'm still doing the challenge, (went home for 2 weeks, dawdled, got myself back into shape, and kept plugging along) but I'm bored of it being the focus of my blog. There are so many interesting things stemming off of the movement towards my goals that I can't hardly stand it!

So, without further ado, this segement is going to be about noodles. Just kidding. This segement is going to be about diapers. Gotchya again. This segement is actually really going to be about how I got fired from my job at the Elks Lodge. Sort of. ... ..... dramatic pause.... aaand que lights...

Arriving back in Harrisonburg after being in paradise (aka home, aka New Orleans) for two weeks was like going from the tanning bed to the tredmill. Still at the gym, but two totally different pieces of gym equipment. I am never going to use that analogy again. I promise. That was horrible. Anyway, it wasn't that I was annoyed to be back, I was glad to get back to taking care of my life, doctors apointments, babysitting, taxes, friends, all of it, but it was definitely an adjustment of pace. Also I finally was taking an antibiotic for my "sinusitis" (yes, it's actually called that...booooriiiing) and feeling kind of like I needed to take things one at a time. But, the day after I got back, I realized I was scheduled to work at the Elks from 3-7pm. I thought, I can't do that to myself. And asked the other two bartenders (one of which is my roomate) if they could cover for me. Jessie had a lab and Kaitlyn was already scheduled at her other job. So, I just decided to call Moe the bar manager and ask if he could do it. [Sidenote: Moe is not like other managers. He is allllwayyyyys at the bar, so if you ever need him to cover, he's like "yea, sure." It's been fantabulous. Ok... sidenote complete.] So lateeda no big deal I ring up Moe and tell him the sitch, "What do you think? Can you work for me?"
"Uhhh... siiiiiiiiiiighhhhh.... Actually... I've been putting this off, but..."
He fired me. Right there on the phone. Right then and there.
Well, that's not totally fair, I guess. He "let me go" and it was "mutual" on my part. But, it was unreal and I was pretty surprised. Out of noooowhere.
One might stop to think at this point in the blog.... This is just an example of Amelie's inability to grasp that she was not doing her job and really Moe was putting off something that probably needed to happen months ago.
And you would be wrong.
When I tell you that working at the Elks Lodge entailed NO skill in ANYTHING whatsofreakinever. I mean I mean it. You go, you sit, you facilitate alchoholism, you lock up. And of course you get to know the guys and swap stories and laugh and cry and just basically do what humans inately do: relate. S'that simple. Butttttt.... obviously that can't be the whole case because there I was on the phone with Moe: shocked, confused, hurt, happy, hysterical! I went through all these emotions distinctly. Oh my gosh, are you serious? First of all... whaaa? What are you saying? I don't understand... Ohh, I see.... Well... sniff sniff, I see... Well, hmm, that's too bad. Well, my sinuses have been acting up because of all the smoke in the place anyway, well I guess this was good, then. Hmhm, hehe, hee hee, ha ha.... bwahahahahahahahha!!! I can't believe this! This is hilarious! (after I got off the phone of course). Jessie, wait till you hear this... what? He just fired you too? Bahahahahahaha!!!!
I'm telling you people. The situation was completely UNREAL! So, there you have it. Both Jessie and I were "let go" due to inexplicable circumstances roughly laid in unrelated excuses.
But, from the blathering and it's-not-up-to-me-'s, it became somewhat apparant that neither Jessie or I were "aggressive" enough. There you have it. They got rid of us so they could pick up some hussies.
Well, if that's the case then it's a complement to be gotten rid of. I thought I had some good relationships, I thought I was getting to know the guys, satifying the human need for relating and caring, but I'm here to tell you that's not what they were looking for. And no one had the guts or grace to tell me that 9 months ago when I started working for them. Thanks. Thanks a lot. And then it all came out in one phone call, months of whining (I'm sure) for a more "aggressive" bartending female, months of talking about Amelie the "she's-too-quiet" bartender for them to finally grow a pair and eek out a pro-action. Actually, they never grew a pair, they forced "Moe the manager" to do it. Moe. The only Elk that ever really loved me. They made him do it. On the phone I knew he was upset about it and had been putting it off because it was the last thing he wanted to do. But, as I can only now assume, they complained and nagged like mean old housewives until he could take it no longer. Wimps. Part of me wanted to go in there during the fullest bar-time and call everyone out on their wimpyness. Cowards! But, after a couple of days to cool down, I realized this would do no good, and turned in my keys like a meek little lamb at the slaughter. Am I tooting my own horn here? Yes. I'm sorry about that...
Honestly, it's so good to be done with that job. My immune system took a huge fall from all the constant billows of smoke I choked down every day. Not to mention the emotional and psychological damage of watching so many older men waste their lives away one day at a time. I can only imagine the amount of damage done to my lungs and body. Thankfully, I read somewhere that a twenty-two year olds body can completely regenerate it's lungs in 6 months, even lungs with extensive smoke damage. So... fingers crossed. You can do that until your twenty-six and then something changes and you're stuck with what you got. So, that can be your fun fact of the day. Needless to say, I am on the job market again and stoked about it.

This rounds on me, boys!

Day 40

Whew, only ten days? Wow. Well, forty days till my birthday.

Things I've noticed:

I feel better in my tum. I feel good about the foods I'm putting in me, so I feel good inside way down deep in my gut. One of these days I'm going to do a segment on "the gut" because it is one of the most fascinating things in our bodies, no lie. I don't eat out as much. Although now that I'm home for a couple weeks I'm going to literally try and eat sushi as many days in a row as possible and yes one of these days I will also do a segment on sushi.

I feel a peace about where I am in life/am open to hearing what other people think of where I am in life without it affecting me negatively. That's still in progress, but my Jesus Calling book has been instrumental. I highly suggest everyone get one for themselves. Every day it's something I need to hear. How did I live without it before??

Since I've been here I went with my sis Maryann to her "Stone Creek Club and Spa" basically, a resort with a large exercise room. So luxurious! I did crossfit, woot woot. They had every gadget and gizmo in the book, but they all looked so complicated and all the men were so old and in shape, I weaked out and just used some weights and a yoga ball in the very back corner of the facility. Also I should note here that the only reason I wrote that sentence out was so I could say the phrase "they had every gadget and gizmo in the book." Uh huh. That's right.

Days 43, 42, 41

The days have been full of themselves lately with no time for a blogger's reflections. But, the busyness has subsided for the next two weeks at least because I am now home in Louisiana. However, getting here was anything BUT a reflective time.

I have to pause here before I lose momentum for the thought/conversation I am having here on the couch amidst my dad reading the news on the opposite couch, my mom standing on, my brother and sister dispersed around the room/kitchen, all of us talking about the effects of the last handful of earthquakes. I just read on twitter that the Chilean quake cause the days to be shorter (probably by miliseconds, but still), and my dad just said that the quake also shook the earth's crust and caused a "sloshing" of Lake Pontchartrain (the lake separating the north shore- Mandeville, from the south shore-New Orleans). Unreal! And all these quakes are happening on different fault lines... I'm jus sayin'... I mean, I'm sure everyone else is saying the same thing, and probably their blogs are way more informed and interesting. So, I'll stop there. I just had to say SOMEthing :]

Anyhoo. My flight was this morning at 10:30. So, last night I drove up after work (around 9pm) to Arlington to stay with my sister for the night, so she could drop me off at Dulles on her way to work the next morning (this morning). But, she was really not feeling well to start, which I think was a clue into how the next 24 hours was going to go... That night, I tossed and turned more than I ever have before. I seriously can't remember the last time I had such trouble sleeping! I never had a problem falling asleep in her bed before, in fact, that night just before settling in I commented on how much I looked forward to snuggling with her comforter. But, for some reason, my pajama pants were ridiculously uncomfortable. And then I was so hungry my stomach was eating itself. And then my pillow seemed to sink lower than my feet so that my sinuses became a wall of steel smashed against every fiber of my face. I was snotting, I was drooling, I was trying to fix my pants, I was trying to have a dream that kept getting interrupted, I was working myself into a huge tizzy. Betsy mumbled something in her sleep. I tried not to laugh out loud, but it was something about "and what sound does a cat make?" Finally, I decided my face/pants/pillow situation was out of control and I needed to move to a couch downstairs so I could prop my head up on an armrest and hopefully get it back to the natural pH level or whatever the heck is going on in your head on any given day when you're not suffering from a wall of sinuses up at bat in your face. Ahem. Anyway, around 5am I went shivering down to the couch, turned off a lamp and pulled a couple of pillows around me for warmth. Sleep came and went. My neck hurt a lot. But, I awoke at the allotted time this morning and felt surprisingly rested. Miracle? Yes.

At the airport, people were peaceful. I thought to myself, ahhh, this is what the airport should be like always. But, it was only the begining...

Long story short, I guess my sinuses decided they were too rattled to recover enough to be peaceful themselves during my two flights to NO. So, my face literally felt like it was going to explode from the pressure in my ears and nose. I was almost in tears as the first leg of my flight landed. The next flight, I bought "earplanes" which are said to eliminate pressure in ears. I plugged my ears up to start the last leg of my flight and crossed my fingers as the plane took off. So uncomfortable. So painful! But, I managed to fall asleep for most of it, waking up intermittently to close my mouth and wipe the drool off my cheek. I spent the last 15 minutes of the flight pinching my nose closed because I was legitimately worried it would explode. So, needless to say I was quite the sight. Ears plugged, coming in and out of consciousness, rocking back and forth while holding my nose closed, eyes tightly shut. I could have kissed the ground when we landed. Fortunately, the New Orleans International Airport pavement doesn't show under the thick layer of gum and garbage covering the street, so that wasn't an option.

It was that much more special when I walked up to my house and toddling up to me to say hello were my cousin's little children, wispy red hair, smiley jelly faces, "mamey, hi mamey" tiny Maggie says. Now that I'm here, I'm here. I feel good, I feel great. It's like nothing bad can happen now that I'm home. Not for the next two weeks.

Day 44

Between Lost, 24, Saturday Night Live, Modern Family, the Olympics, and youtube, it's no wonder how late I go to bed some nights. Hulu owes me one. Basically. I keep it in business.

But it was not any of these shows that kept me up. It was this video. Watch it. It's interesting.

http://www.videoweed.com/file/gcc6t94whs0m7

Day 45

Small Town Syndrome: when a town is so small that the walls have ears, everyone knows everything about everyone else, no room for individual growth/movement due to lack of personal freedom from other "townies"

Harrisonburg Saturday night: All you can bowl at Valley Lanes.

There's good and bad to living in a small 'townie' town...

Good: You have fewer friends, but they are good friends. You appreciate what a big city has to offer and it makes it a huge treat to travel to Charlottesville and DC. You can walk/bike to the store, the bank, the library, you name it. You start to recognize people/people walking past are friendlier/waiters remember you from last week :]. Makes it fun to go to community art show, etc... and feel like you are a member of society. Most if not all business is relationally based ("Tell 'em Earl sentchya" style)

Bad: Small towns are so boring! Besides the bars and the bowling alley, you gotta be pretty creative when you go out. Everyone stalks everyone and it's impossible to do anything and not have people talking about it, esPECially go on a date. gasp.

I have successfully avoided falling into spending multiple weekends at the bowling alley and the bar. Tonight was my first bowling experience. Depending on the crowd, it's fun. But, you do get a feeling of losing yourself in a bowling alley. Losing part of you that is able to find "cool" things to do even in a small town. It's like you're admitting "yeah, I tried to think of a fun way to spend my Saturday night, but I ended up at the bowling alley anyway." But really, once you get over yourself, bowling is fun. I just don't like that it may actually be one of the only things to do in Harrisonburg. Linds and I have to make a consciously committed effort to go to the "other" side of town where all the college apartments are once every couple of months or so, just to remember that there are crazy fun things happening somewhere nearby. Even if it's only because they involve beer pong and cigs. And damned if I don't ask a guy out for no other reason than to get to know him. One date. Let them chatter about it for weeks after. I have an agenda that won't be derailed by small town syndrome. In some ways, small towns force you to find out who you really are when the drizzle hits the fan and people might actually judge you outright for your decisions and lifestyle. In a huge city, people are so lenient. Believe what you want, live how you want, everyone is accomodated for in a large city. In small time college towns, where people who went to preschool with you are in your college science lab class, you live in a glass house built by the people around you and they make most of your life decisions for you. Of course I'm talking about extremes here, I really don't personally feel victimized by this in a big way, but I do catch the scent of it regularly and see the effects of it on other people. It's a real problem. Now's a great time to mention that Harrisonburg, VA is the meth capitol of the US. Yeahup. Wonder why. CUZ PEOPLE CAN'T ESCAPE THIS PLACE! People walk around like they're trapped. Trapped in a fishbowl. Tell me that's not scary. The devil has a hold on a lot of souls here and small town syndrome is the main form of control. Going to extremes again, but sometimes I get that feeling from this city and it's a heavy feeling that takes a while to pass through. I mean, I fall into small town syndrome all the time myself. It's hard not to. But, it helps to visit friends in Arlington/Charlottesville and get a good shaking and to re-realize how much bigger life is than Harrisonburg.

Life is bigger than Harrisonburg. Bigger than DC. Bigger than Virginia. Bigger than me. Typing "bigger" so many times makes me notice how weird a word it is... and how close it is to "booger."

Day 46

Tonight, sitting on my lovely couch, snuggled in a throw, listning to the crackle of my burning Jesus candle, admiring Alfie- my bedroom plant, mascot, life coach, friend-, I feel cozy. Comfy. Homey. My room is... homey. I never thought I would make it. My room has always been a jail cell type room. I don't have a lot of stuff (I have a condition known as tossitis [toss-it-is]) and I am OCD about things being pushed against walls to maximize space and traffic flow. So, my room is a blank green cell with a bed in the corner, a desk by the door and... Alfie. He was my first step in the right direction. Then came a real quilt with matching sheets (I used a sleeping bag for months) and a throw blanket. Things were looking up. But, I wasn't "there" yet. I would still walk into my room and feel... blank. Then Jodi moved into my room with me for a while and that's when the ball really started rolling. Suddenly, we had a theme, and my "book" shelf was filled with cute decorations... and then I bought a dresser... and ... next thing you know, there's a freakin' couch in my room! And I'm getting used to the smell/it's starting to die down. And thankfully my kitty-tongue syndrome from yesterday is gone. I thought I was never going to get all the cat hair out of my mouth. Praise the Lord.
So, yes, life is good. Earlier today I locked the keys in my car, but right now that doesn't matter, it's over. Earlier today, I had to change a poop diaper, but now it's just a distant memory.

Sidenote: I get free raw cow's milk now! I drive out into the country once a week and pick it up. There's a little donation box inside the fridge in the garage where I get it, and I stick a $5 in there, and I'm golden. Every one in my house things I'm a weirdo, but they will all come around. And I'll be the one laughing when everyone gets the flu but me because of the enzymes I now get daily.

Ever since I started this goal-thing I have been sucking at anything "mental" I try to do each day. Crossword puzzles become algorithms, sodoku is like a cruel joke of the gods... But, I am muddling through, surprisingly. It is hard, though, to work out every day. Esp today when I babysat all morning till lunch and then locked the keys in my car and then HAD to watch twilight and new moon all in a row with my housemates and here I am blogging now and I'm trying to think of ways I got exercise today and actually, I did. I did if you count chasing two kids with poopy diapers (they are surprisingly motivated scurriers) for 3 hours and then walking 10 blocks from where my keys got locked in the car all the way home... yes, I don't feel guilty when I submit that I did get at least 45 minutes of solid exercise.

Today I read out of 'Jesus Calling'... "I am leading you, step by step, through your life... Your future looks uncertain and feels flimsy- even precaurious. That is how it should be... When you try to figure out the future, you are grasping at things that are Mine... I will show you the next step forward... trust Me to open up the way before you as you go."

Can do.

Day 47

Day 47- I got the couch! It's great! There's a story. There's alway a story. I bribed my next door neighbor (the one with a truck) to help me get this couch out in Grottoes, known to be "the Meth Capital of the US" by official people, nevermind specifics. Sketchtown. Armpit of VA. You get the drift. Anyway, roomate Linds came along and we were just hoppin' and boppin' to some Luda on Neil's iPod, rollin on to house number 702 (that's what I wrote down on my directions). I called "Wendy" the couch lady, as we pulled up just to make sure everything was straight. Suddenly a women emerges out of the house and we notice a "Salon" sign stapled to the porch rails. Hmm, a nail salon in the middle of a neighborhood... OK. Sure, why not. "Wendy?!" I yell from the road, as we make our way up the driveway she scurries to the edge of the porch to look at us. "I was just about to run some errands now, but did you all want manicures? I can do it real quick!"
"Uhh... um? I was supposed to pick up a couch today? You're Wendy, right?"
"Yes, I'm Wendy... umm"
"Ummm... couch?"
"Noo......"
"Weird, I just talked to you on the phone..."
"Ohhhhh, honey, there are THREE Wendys on this block."
"Oh, OK, I must have accidently wrote 702 instead of 709"
"Well... feel free to come back and get a manicure"
Neil: "Oh yea, I'll be back!"
So, we drove a few feet further and out comes Wendy #2 from the house. MUCH younger. A cougar, in fact. Took one look at Neil and that was it.
"Oh HIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIII!! Come on in!..."
And so the convo progressed, she was bouncily sharing about her divorce four years ago and how she's been alone ever since eyeing him, smiling.
Finally, she takes us to the couch and from the front view, I was impressed. She shampooed it and everything. But, as soon as we moved it away from the wall and I lifted one end with Neil on the other, I looked at the bottom-side of the couch -what was now inches away from my face- and literally got a mouthful of black fuzzy cat hair ON MY TONGUE. A mouthful. The back and sides of the couch were COVERED in cat hair. It was deeesgusting. It didn't help that she was a smoker-cougar, so the couch smelled like smoke. She failed to mention that in the ad... But, no matter. Thirty bucks? Totally worth it. I took it home and washed all the pillow covers, lint rolled the shizz out of the whole thing, and sprayed an ENTIRE bottle of extra strength febreze on the cushions, set them outside to air out last night and today. I just put everything back together tonight and I actually think I licked the cig smell (hmm, literally and figuratively)! And that cat hair is ancient history. But, you know even though it doesn't smell like a smoking cougar, it doesn't smell like me yet, ya know? It hasn't adapted to it's new home. So, it's smell (a fresh laundry meets air freshener meets shirt you smoked in that was left at the bottom of the laundry basket for a few weeks) is kind of still overpowering the whole room. I am confident it will turn from the dark side and surrender to my scent in due time. I want to be sensitive to the couches needs too. It was just ripped from it's home and put in a new surrounding. So, it's adjusting, I'll give it that time.
I prayed over it last night though, honestly, because I just got the feeling like that household was not a safe/holy place, if that makes sense... and I felt that lingering spirit from it's former home.
Long gone now though, thank ye Jesus :)

OK, blogspot.com sucks. I don't understand how to move pictures around! Dumb dumb dumb I am so frustrated I can't think! I hate these moment-ruiners! Whatevs. Here is my bookshelf that I don't have books for, so... here is my fan/luggage/glass bottle shelf:

And here is the actual Jesus candle I got at Food Lion. Which I also prayed over. (I don't have a camera these days, so I have to borrow a roomates and so when I do get around to asking I have to take pics of all the things I've been making mental notes to post pics of haha)

And... another view :) with the flash.

And... my body is aching from Crossfit. Does any one else out there do crossfit? It's amazing. It's right up my alley. I can do crossfit. But, I didn't stretch enough and that's a killer.

Had Financial Peace University class.... was about debt collectors and how to deal with them and how to legally get them off your back. It was so spiritual... so ... scary? I don't know if it's OK to say that, but I felt so sick inside for people who are attacked by these monsters every day, manipulating and illegally bothering/threatening people. It's sick. It's a sick thing and it's of the devil and that's the feeling I got. Chills. I hate that people are being attacked in that way.

Well, there's so much to blog about and not enough time. But, today was about the couch, and I'm OK with that. We will discuss other things another time. My fingers are about to fall off. Peace.

Day 48888888888888...

I'm hesitant to write because I feel nothing coming out naturally through typing... So, I'll just share this...
When geeks have twins:

Sometimes it's OK to look at the past day, feel crappy, but turn around and laugh at something like this and feel good again :] Am I right? Am I right??

Day 49

Woke up at eleven, felt like heaven
thank the Lord for
PM yoga the night before
I adore You more
this morning because
You saw through the blue and gave a warning
to me You said "hey don't have a pity party
your life is complete in me that's the story
morning glory" I felt loved for the sign
because today was a horrible reminder
that in a moment everything can change
your life your finances your food your rent and more
but take heart "your hard work will be rewarded
so please keep your eyes on Me
I'll see you through from blue to more blue"

If that didn't make sense... it's OK. It's my first rap ever and I didn't really read through it after I wrote it sooo... But yea, today was a good day all in all. Hard but that's life sometimes. I guess I could list all the crap, but I don't even want to. I want to keep my eyes on Jesus and I'm pretty sure if I do then everything will magically fall into place. Yay God!

I read a sweet Proverb this morning, "The integrity of the upright guides them, but the unfaithful are destroyed by their duplicity." It made me think of how when I'm at a store and the cashier doesn't scan all my items and I think "sweet dude, free stuff"... that's duplicity. Even though no one knows, and definitely no one cares, especially not the cashier. My sister once had this happen and went back in the store to pay for the missed item, it was $50. She said, "it's not worth sacrificing my integrity over." At that moment I didn't understand. As soon as I read that verse this morning, I thought back to that moment, and I did understand. And I think I'm going to remember that/this for as long as I live.

Later I went for a run and ouch running sucks people I don't enjoy it at ALL! You have to spit every 5 seconds, you have to be in public, you have to hurt all over, you have to... spit... n stuff. Anyways it's just one of those things I don't want to pursue, like snowboarding. I know, I know, that's not cool, but whatevs I'm just tryna be transparent whichyall...

For some reason my crossword/sudoku skills were off today. It's Tuesday, the second easiest day in the week for that stuff and I couldn't finish either one. No matter, I threw the paper away quickly to avoid people noticing. And by people I mean the Elks Lodge members I bartend for. They really don't care. Some day I'm going to have a whole separate blog about the Elks Lodge. It's a treasure chest of wealth and knowledge that needs to be passed on to the blogging world. One day...

I met some friends for drinks downtown at one of my fav places, Clemetine. Then we all played Mario Kart for entirely too long. And that's why I'm blogging for Day 49 so late. And that was my day.

Day 50, Part 2

Welp, that's one day down. Today was the WEIRDEST day I have had in SO long.

The woman whose kids I babysit for on Monday mornings blew up at me for leaving a "can't babysit" message on her phone 5 hours before she needed me to babysit. Sorry, I live in a world of people who if they had to choose between their best friend and their cell phone for who to save from falling off a cliff, would save their phones, so I don't understand people who don't check their missed calls like every 5 seconds. That said, it was irresponsible and I felt like a dumb jerk.

Then, I had to chase down my car keys at a four seasons resort 30 minutes outside of the city so I could take my car at LEAST 30 minutes outside of the OTHER side of town to get the oil changed by a guy named Rick who laughed in my face for not having a registration sticker on my MINI -FREAKIN'- VAN that I drive every day. And I just sat there and smiled, crossword puzzle in hand. I could have punched him, I thought about it, weighed my options, but decided I wasn't that kind of person, at least not today. This is MY LIFE people, this is not a drill. What the hell are we living for. Talk about a reality check. All I can say is I am so glad God has a purpose for me here and that I am doing exactly what I'm supposed to be doing, dodge caravan and all. (and that's a dodge caravan sport just so every one knows, I am proud of her, our little Sylvie).

Needless to say, it was a full day. whiney kids, offended mothers, chuckling auto shop men, and goal-oriented Amelie... just tryna fulfill my goals man! Get off my back! Just tryna fulfill my goals.

I also made plans today to pick up a used couch off of craiglist (it's not the devil, people, craigslist is our friend). I can and quite possibly will post a pic of it at the end of this post. And I've been meaning to post a pic of my Jesus candle, because it's the one and only candle in this world that I love the way many people love many candles. I don't understand buying candles, but I saw it in the Food Lion and I had $7 to spend on food, and I bought it, prayed over it, and say what you will it is holy. I lit it and did some yoga today, actually. Anyway, the couch is adorable. I'm going to ask a guy neighbor (nicely, and with cookies) if I can borrow his truck for Thursday afternoon. Yay, I can't wait!

The food goal of this 50 days is going to be tricky. I don't eat bad, but I do eat cheap. So, while I will avoid cookies and fast food and things of that nature, I do eat PB&J's and ramen noodles. Literally my diet consists of french press and egg/ham/cheese/jelly sandwiches for breakfast; PB&J for lunch, and ramen for dinner. Period. But, I will jot down some more specific guidelines tonight, thought. For no other reason than to use another piece of paper. P.S. one of my favorite things to do in life and something I get 100% pleasure from is writing things down on blank sheets of paper. Anything. Anything and everything. 'Nuff said. Moving on...

Day 50, because counting down is so much more dramatic

Goooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooodmorning! Today I read Proverbs 10 which is all about the connection between your tongue and being righteous or wicked. Solomon said the Lord will grant the desires of the righteous. So, I said, "Jesus, would you give me wealth?" Jesus said "I want to give you more, but first be faithful with the little I have given you." And I said "man I can hardly do that. OK, I'll be checking in with You about this again later... like next year."

Why am I blogging at 8:09am, you ask? Because, I had my day perfectly timed out last night. Wake up at 7am (check), make coffee and spend time with God (check), jump in the shower at 8am----halt. Some one beat me to the shower by 30 seconds. Blast! The day is ruined! A flash of Proverbs 10 comes to mind (which is literally ALL about how the tongue brings ruin, blah blah blah-oops. hehe) and I'm like "Oh man, I hope this isn't a sign. I don't want to blab about this too much, though, in all honesty. So, I'm not telling any of my roomates about this. Actually the only person who knows or cares (is forced to care, but she cares :) is (get ready for your name drop!) my sister Betsy!!!

!!!!The shower is open!!!!!! Off I go to quickly sanitize myself so I will be presentable at my next babysitting gig. I have... ack, 30 minutes! Wish me luck!

The New Year! ... February 21st...

Call me a Julia and Julia wannabe (or whatever the movie was called), but that girl was on to something when she set out to publicly accomplish cooking an entire cookbooks worth of recipes with a certain end-date in mind, while using blogging as an accountability/experience tracker. Don't think me presumptious but I intend to do the same thing... with my life. For the next 50 days. On this blog. Oh God, I hope this isn't as bad of an idea as it looks when I'm typing it.

The thing is, my birthday is in 50 days as of tomorrow morning (April 12th), and as I sit in my room mapping out goals for this time and season of my life, I realized I have never stuck to anything for my mind or body consistently for longer than 2 weeks. Whether it was time with the Lord, time at the gym, or even brushing my teeth every day, there always seems to be something trumping my will to be consistent. I want to get to the bottom of this, if it means being publicly humiliated by exposing and proving this weakness online, then SO BE IT!

I'm not gonna lie, I start out so confidently, but what about spring break? What about Sunday? What about a friend in town for the weekend? What about the fact that if I can't stick to anything I set out to do on my own, I will be missing out on a side of me that never gets to see the light of day. I want to see that... I am on a mission to see that side of me that feels victorious in accomplishing the goals I set out for myself. So, without further ado, here is the lineup of my 50-day goals... my DAILY goals for the next 50 days... the 2 1/2 (+) hours/day I am commiting to specific activities starting tomorrow until April 12, 2010. After April 12th, if all goes well as it should, I will lay out NEW goals. They will be different. They will be awesomer. NOW without further ado...

Goal 1. I will spend 1 hour/day towards time with the Lord (if He will have me, and I have a feeling he will) and prayer for family and friends.

Goal 2. I will dedicate 45 minutes/day towards physical activities like strength-training, toning, yoga/pilates, etc... (sweating in general) *I WILL fit into my fav. jeans like no other on my b-day*

Goal 3. I will dedicate my money to the Lord, saving and budgeting according to the Financial Peace University guidelines. I will stick to the envelope system and go to class on Thursday nights.

Goal 4. I will spend 30 minutes/day toward mental strengthening in crossword puzzles, sudoku, etc..., or in reading a book.

Goal 5. I will commit my body to the Lord and eat nourishing, healthy foods that honor my body and the Holy Spirit inside of me. (No fast food, no excessively sugary/fattning foods)


There's my 5 goals. I hope they aren't too lofty. I hope no one thinks I'm crazy. I hope people want me to succeed. My hope is that I will blog about what the Lord is telling me every day (supposing it is shareable). I will at least share from my "thought of the day" book 'Jesus Calling' by Sarah Young. I want to share what each day has brought into my awareness with who ever cares to find out. And if no one cares, this will be a good exercise for me anyway. But, I think there are people who care... maybe even a creeper or two?

My highs and lows of the day I will post on twitter (see link above). We'll see how practical that is in the coming days.

I just want to update this baby every day so that every day is present and accounted for. It may or may not happen depending on our internet. Let's be honest there's no excuse. Even Dairy Queen has free wireless. OK glad we cleared that up. Glad I don't work at Dairy Queen anymore. Glad I did at one point in my life. But, that's another blog.

New Improved Room (Sorry I'm putting up so many pictures of my room, it's the most interesting thing that's going on right now I suppose... Haha!)

Welp. I LOVE the new green. The yellow was adorable, but it was a bad paint job and old. And I love green :)

My plan is to put pictures up all over the wall kind of like how it looks in the pic with the blue dresser. But first, I have to get pictures I want on the walls. Feel free to send me pics, anyone!